“Be the bigger person”
The above line is a very common piece of advice given by your well-wishers when you’re down and out about an issue or an argument that you may have had with another person.
I have been told this so many times and I believe in it too.
There is so much more to look forward to when you rise above, when you choose to be noble, when you suppress your ego and choose to do the right thing in that particular situation. In most cases that means letting the other person win, or get away because you know it might all be futile in the long run.
It takes great courage to move on even from a small scuffle and realize your time isn’t worth it.
There is also a certain sense of pride in knowing that you are doing the right thing.
While I strive to be the “bigger person”, many times I end up falling down the ditch again and wondering why I didn’t do more to speak up and prove my point.
“Why didn’t I give them what they deserved?”
And while I ask myself this I also end up feeling guilty about “giving someone what they deserved”.
Revenge is something I have not entirely agreed with either.
So here I am. Rowing against a tide a little too strong for my arms, with me ending up not moving ahead at all.
Just a vicious cycle of rowing and rowing as I tire out and wish for someone or something to lift this burden off my mind.
So here is the truth about being the “bigger person”:
1. You will never be applauded for it.
The only applaud you will ever receive will be from yourself, from within, if you stay quiet, your soul will be cheering you on.
2. You might appear weak to some even though your decision might be the strongest one ever made.
3. It means having to surrender all that you stand for, in order to bring peace. It might mean bowing your head down to calm down a storm for the greater good.
We may have certain people in our life who might be our friends or even family. Someone who’s always trying to prove they’re better, (they might even be) but who likes to be around such self righteous people. Friends who demean a friendship by being competitive or relatives looking down upon your choices. In some cases, such people are actually the nicest and sweetest. They have the sweetest smiles and the nicest words and use the same to feed you their dose of poison. You try to counter, you try to explain, you try to prove your point for months and years. The petty conversations drag along until….you tire. The stream is too strong for your little canoe.
4. Maybe you’ve been rowing the wrong way. But after spending so much time in that stubborn stream you’ve hacked the technique. No more futile rowing, suddenly it’s a lot less tiring. It is so liberating letting these people go. So fulfilling in believing in your self and in your dreams because now these petty minds don’t matter.
5. Letting go isn’t a one time thing. We’re only human and we’re going to face this “stream” countless times, which also means rising above countless times which is extremely hard. It is hard to let go of a point that you so dearly believe in and it’s going to be harder because you have to let go of it so many times.
6. Only let it go in front of small minds who don’t understand, but with true friends and family, let your mind soar. Take their suggestions and opinions and use it to make your life bigger. Use everything you can to fuel your dreams.
7. And lastly, you will always succeed. You will always, always succeed if you try to rise above the situation because now, you have more time to spend on yourself, your mind,your beliefs, on your dreams and goals.
I personally am the worst at being the bigger person. It doesn’t take me too long to get affected by a petty little comment. I am blatantly accepting the hypocrisy of my situation because I struggle to practice what I preach. The words themselves, however, come from the very depths of me. The parts that I believe might still be unfiltered from the many filters that I have grown to use over the span of my existence. Most of us possess this unfiltered part in our minds and in most cases, it’s always right.
I only wish for us, to let it surface because all our answers lie there. For me, it might be with being the “bigger person” and trying to practice it.
For you, it could be anything, but whatever happens, just remember it’s never the stream, the good ol’ stream just flows, you probably need to learn to stir your oar the right way.