Ash-stained lips

I met a girl with ash stained lips,
ash from her burning cigar,
ash from her burning soul,
floating in midnight air,
settling on the heart of a monster
disguised as a lover.
I am a boy
with an ash stained heart
ash from the letters she burnt.
letters to her.
letters I wrote.
letters that told her,
to come back home.

Infected

He scares her so much,
that when her knees tremble
She sees the stars change their place in the sky.
He makes her so insecure
that she’s lost faith in the sun to rise.
He’s made her so vulnerable,
when the clouds float in the sky
She feels they’re after her.
She has fallen for him.
because,how else can he be the venom and the only antidote,
the disease and the only cure, all at the same time?

How to tame your demon.

How to tame your demon… You Don’t!
Hold him by his horns and say thank you.
Thank him for the time he pushed you off the cliff
You learnt to fly.
Thank him for the time he covertly led you to the man who vowed to love you but ripped your heart apart that the remnants of your flesh are still stuck in his nails. Thank him, for now your heart has scar tissue and we all know that scar tissue is tougher than mere skin.
Thank him for the day he got people to stab you in the back, now you own a collection of knives which you sharpen every day.
Thank him for letting you believe that shots at the bar were good for you, because now you’re no one’s cup of tea, you’re a flaming shot that could burn their throats.
Thank your dear demon for tying your hands together behind your back because now the veins in your arms are never too weak to pump enough blood into your fists to fight him back.

Picture credit: dreamatico.com

Picture credit: dreamatico.com

Memoirs of a helpless mother.

Just 22.

Her skin was supple and her heart was full.

She had stars for eyes and her lips spoke of nothing but love. She bore in her an unborn spark of magic, magic that would make her a mother.

When she looked at her little baby girl all her dreams came true.

All her wishes, fulfilled.

All her doubts vanished.

Until,

“Your baby is sick”, they told her,

“Your baby has a hole, a hole in her heart”

She slowly felt the universe closing in on her, her mouth went dry and she gazed into her baby’s eyes.

“I’m sorry my love”, she said to her newborn child.

She blamed herself even when there was no one to blame. She took her baby home, not knowing when she’d lose her.

From then on,she held her broken child every night and cried till her tear ducts ran dry. Her baby, small and frail went through surgery and treatments.

How much can a little body take?

How much can a young mother endure?

Her little baby, was scarred and pierced, sewn and stitched like an old jacket, fragile like a dandelion, a single whisper of the wind could shatter her bones.

Years later, this baby still stands, strong, 19 and accomplished.

 “I’ve never had a hole”, she thought

“Mother filled up my heart, emptying hers”

4 am musings

Every night, we fell asleep with our fingers interlocked and my head nestled in the curve of his neck and every morning we woke up apart.

Distant.

The warmth of his body, no longer against mine.

Deep down I knew, that the future would be this way too our love would fade and we would drift from each other.

Tonight was no different, the nasty chill of winter’s air woke me up at 4 am.

I looked at him. He was peaceful, he was calm. Asleep on his side with palms folded, tucked under one cheek. I wanted him close, I needed  the heat of his body to be pressed against mine but he was far. Distant. Unattached.

The same thoughts haunted me again. “When will it finally end?” This world isn’t kind. It will break us. I loved him so much that the fear of losing him was inevitable.

Just then, from the depths of his sleep he sensed my silent cry. He felt my body gently trembling from the cold and from the fear of maybe losing him someday.

So with his eyes still shut, and one hand still tucked under his cheek he grabbed me by my waist and pulled me close. He held my head close to his heart. He pulled the covers over us. Eyes still closed, he groggily kissed my forehead. He didn’t say a word.

In that moment I experienced bliss. He rescued me from the labyrinth of doubt that I trapped myself in.

Maybe 10 years down the line he will still be mine. We could still be in love. Maybe he’ll even be there to pull me close like he did tonight.

And In that moment I knew our love had the power to survive .

Over-loving

“but how do I forget about you?”
Keep yourself busy he told her, go out.
Sing a song and maybe dance along.
So she did.
And Every song she sang, she sang for him
And every time she danced, she moved to the rhythm of his distant heartbeat.